A GALLERY OF COLLECTED NONSENSE
Jooka Jooka Jooka
Hand Clap Warm Up Exercise, Performable On Any Flat Surface
Director Says "GIVE ME ONE!"
Hands slap table (or floor), then clap, then slap table.
Director Says "GIVE ME TWO!"
Hands slap table twice, then clap, then slap table.
Director Says "GIVE ME THREE!"
Hands slap table twice, clap twice, slap table twice, clap twice, slap table twice, clap once, then slap table.
Everyone Says "BREAK IT DOWN NOW!"
Right hand slaps table, clap, left hand slaps table twice, clap.
Right hand slaps table twice, clap twice, left hand slaps table twice, clap.
Right hand slaps table, clap, left hand slaps table twice, clap.
Say on the Beats: "Jooka, Jooka, Jooka, WOO!" (Jooka is JEW-KA)
Both hands slap table, cross hands and slap table, straighten hands and slap table, snap.
Jai Jai Kool Lay
Leader Says "JAI JAI KOOL LAY" as he or she does a full body movement.
Ensemble Repeats "JAI JAI KOOL LAY" and the same action.
Leader Says "JAI KOH VESA" with another full body movement.
Ensemble Repeats "JAI KOH VESA" and the same action.
Leader Says "KOH VESA AH-LA" with another full body movement.
Ensemble Repeats "KOH VESA AH-LA" and the same action.
Leader Says "AH-LA KI DALA" with another full body movement.
Ensemble Repeats "AH-LA KI DALA" and the same action.
Leader Says "AH-LA KI DALA" again with a different full body movement.
Ensemble Repeats "AH-LA KI DALA" and the same action.
Leader & Ensemble Run in Circle with the following:
Leader: "1"; Ensemble: "2"; Leader: "3"; Ensemble: "4"; Leader: "5"; Ensemble: "6"; Leader: "7"; Ensemble: "8"; Leader: "9"; Ensemble: "10"
Entire Process Repeats with a New Leader.
Show Quotes
Aladdin (more to come)
• EMILY: Is your name spelled "S-S-A" or "S-A-A"? / ISAAC: It's spelled "A-S-S."
• "Life is your restroom, and I'm your Maitre D'." - Some kid at auditions
• "Rude growling noises from the head?" - Josh
• "Smoke 'n' camels!" - Kelsey
• "Owwww my eyes are droping scales! It's almost biblical!" - Josh
Summer Stock
• Freak out like Emily!: "Oh, i love fabric- ........"
• Freak out like Kyle!: "Oh, everybody loves me!"
• Freak out like Gnagey!: "It's not story, it's story!"
• Freak out like Nate!: "Oh, my hair!"
• Freak out like Mandy!: "OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!"
• Freak out like Floyd!: "My government teacher can't pronounce S's!"
• Freak out like the Ghost!: "I hate the lights - ping, ping, ping, thud!"
• Freak out like Micheal!: ::CLAP, CLAP, CLAP::
• "So the new name of the game is Nate is on his way." - Emily
• "World's wost children's book title: Pop goes the hampster, and other microwave games..." - Patrick
• EMILY: "Ok guys, let's just let it go and be done with lunch." / VIDEO CAMERA: "NO....." / EMILY: "Ok, i guess we aren't done with lunch yet."
• "Oh, I haven't got a job becuase it's the 50's." - Kyle G. as Mrs. Banks
• "I'm a little boy who wants to be a girl!" - Emily playing Michael from Mary Poppins
• "Mary, let's see you fly!" - Emily to Nate
• "Children, there's a strange man-women out on the lawn." - Kyle G. as Mrs. Banks, concerning Nate as Mary Poppins
Peter Pan
• Emily: "Ok everyone stop talking. We all know you are just whispering about how cute michael petrello is. / MICHAEL ALBERT: "Oh yeah! Hee Haw, Hee Haw!"
• "You know, I built this whole thing with levels" - Drew Crosier to Emily, about the pirate ship
• "Is anyone here lost... well, other than the lost boys?" - Emily
• "Well, they won't be joining MENSA." - Emily, regarding the Lost Boys & their inability to form two lines
• “Peter Pan is like gravy -- it’s extra -- it’s on top -- it’s like candy.” - Emily
• EMILY: “You’re not allowed to do anything to kill yourself or your neighbor unless your parent is here giving you permission.” / KIM: “And if that happens, you should probably go talk to another adult.”
• “Don’t push anyone into the pit -- ‘Look, Peter can fly!’” - Emily
• “Your job is to be really, really hot.” - Emily to the leads, trying yet again to explain toast.
• “I still don’t get it. I’ve heard it like eight times and all I get from it is that we’re supposed to warm up the bagel.” - Molly
• “You’re like a giant pop-up book." - Emily
• “Smook and He…” - Emily
• “I just wanted to point that out to you because I don’t give you props very often because I’m usually yelling at you.” - Emily to Josh
• EMILY: *Laughing* / JOSH: “What’s so funny?” / EMILY: “Your face!”
• “Josh, focus! Oh, wait…” - Emily
• “Don’t die -- if you do, you’re dead.” - Emily
• “Die out, then die.” - Emily
• “Oh, wait -- I’m supposed to be dead.” - Emily
• EMILY: “Don’t stand anywhere where you’re blocking people.” / NATE: “But you’re sitting there blocking people.”
• “Why does Peter fly? Because he can never, never land.” - Mr. Lutz
• “I’d like to introduce you to Fat Max.” - Tommy S.
• “Tiger Lily, go hide with Peter. Think of it as your seven minutes in heaven.” - Emily
• “Close the door, please… no body’s that obsessed with you.”
• “Patrick is the only person I know who can crack his voice on cue.” - Ryan
• “A jamala, jamala, jamala.” - Molly
• “We don’t fly with wires and harnesses. We fly with HAPPY THOUGHTS and FAERIE DUST!” - Molly
• “What does a pirate call his MP3 player? His iPatch.” - Patrick
• “Wendy-lady, be our mother!”
• “TINKLE TINKLE TINKLE!” - Emily
• Jesus loves you, but I’m His favorite.” - Emily
• “Ryan, you just walked through the wall.” - Emily
• “I have much better aim this show than I did last show.” - Emily
• “Then, they will go to their piratey location.” - Emily
• “Don’t make me work.” - Nate
• “La la la la, what?” - Isaac K.
• “You've gotta learn to LOVE THE BURN.” - Anthony
• “I was picked up by a smooth operator.” - Anthony's Shirt
• “Without your smile, I have nothing to warm my cold heart in the eternally frozen winter of my life… I love you with a burning passion deep within my soul!” - Kelsea and Mike P.'s letter to Jim Blough.
Midsummer
• EMILY: “Who’s the King of Athens?” / HILLARY: “Zeus!”
• “Are you related to President Madison?” - Emily to Madison
• "Lysander is like Usher. You are like, ‘Lysander is the bomb.’” - Emily
• “The mechanicals are like Lowe’s… or Home Depot.” - Emily
• “I get to turn Josh into a donkey!?! Cool.” - Dee
• “My Bottom is Snug in my pants. It makes my Snout Quince when I play the Flute, and I’m Starveling.”
• EMILY: “We used you as Demetrius.” / KYLE: “Oh, you used me?”
• “No… you say that every production---I am NOT wearing tights again. - Josh
• EMILY: “The butt-book says so.” / JOSH: “And the butt-book is always right.”
• “I’m a fine, splendid Bottom.” - Josh
• “Enough about the spiky pants!” - Emily
• “No, I said ‘odorous.’” - Josh
• “Don’t get mugged!” - Emily
• EMILY: “Raise your hand if your name is Josh.” / JOSH: “Do I get a cookie?”
• EMILY: “It’s like really bad acting.” / JOSH: “I don’t know how…”
• “I hope that thing doesn’t flip and kill you.” - Emily
• “I don’t know… whenever I try to sing high, it sounds like Kermit.” - Josh
• “How can I say this without encouraging you to do drugs?” - Emily
• “Do not taunt children who are younger than you are.” - Emily to Zack
• “We’re ALL part of the Ever After Productions family.” - Patrick
• “HAH HAH HAH… you’re a donkey.” - Dee
• “Did you fall in love with an acorn?” - Emily
• “We made some vows and stuff.” - Hillary
• “She wants to kill you, and you… don’t want to be killed.” - Emily
• “Do a drew!” - Emily
Seussical
• PHIL: "Great job, Kyle! You rigged that whole flat by yourself!" / EMILY: "Oh, yes. We ALL love Kyle...."
• “I’m ‘fashionably late.’” - Nate B., after arriving an hour late to callbacks
• “Everyone crap… I mean CLAP!” - Josh (about Emily’s spiffy new CD player)
• “How much is 50 Brazillion?” - Emily, telling a joke from Reader’s Digest
• “You’re the toaster, the chorus is the toast… and nobody likes a cold bagel.” - Emily at the first leads’ rehearsal
• “Maybe I’ll be a doctor and a lawyer --- then I could sue MYSELF!” - Patrick
• “Does anyone have any questions about not jumping off the stage, not touching the fly lines, not eating things you find on the floor?” - Emily
• “She cut off her toe… nail.” - Emily
• “They’ve got their final report, and it’s in commerce, and they have to be at their commerce-thing…”- Emily
• “She’s in charge of (1) you don’t die, and (B) …” - Emily (about Stage Manager Emily)
• “I might say ‘Cheat!’ and you’ll say, ‘Oh! I need to cheat!'" - Emily
• “It couldn’t be something else, like ‘I like your pants,’ because people could say that for other reasons.” - Emily on ‘Snowing in Georgia’
• “You’re like a big mass of kids… you are a big mass of kids.” - Emily
• “Man… you’re just like Josh!” - Emily to Isaac
• “Theatre is cool to tinker with.” - Emily
• “Do you understand that it’s all in rhyme… that’s why it’s important to get the words right.” - Emily to Josh
• “PULL OUT SOCK PUPPETS!” - Emily
• EMILY: “If Josh falls off the platform and breaks his leg, what are you gonna do?” / EVERYONE: “Go with it!”
• “Hugs, not drugs!” - Patrick & Kelsay
• “No, it’s not ‘who who,’ it’s ‘who.’” - Kim
• “Be quiet or I’ll… bite you.” - Kim
• EMILY: “Would someone demonstrate a summersault?’ / DANIELLE A.: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh --- I can do that. But wait. Wait, what do you want me to do?
• “Skididdle: to descend from a tree clad scantily.” - Emily
• “Okay… no throwing up in the Biltmore Studio.” - Kim
• “I can’t sing --- I have music in my throat.” - Nate
• “You’re allowed to try to kill yourself if your parent is here.” - Emily
• “The only people who should be conversing right now are Kim and the monkeys.” - Emily
• “Mackenzie, go over to Who family number… Joey’s group.” - Emily
• “Josh, if I hear you I will freak out… well not really freak out… Emily freak out.” - Emily
• “So when the lights come up, you need to be full of cheese.” - Emily
• EMILY: “No more playing with anyone’s hair… you have issues with hair.” / JOSH: “Well, the reason was…” / EMILY: “I’ll hold you down again!”
• BETHANY: “Your hands are really sweaty.” / SHANNON: “I know, it’s because I’m hot.”
• SAM: “Should I show Ryan what to do?” / RYAN: “It’s alright --- I can just sway.”
• “Ever After Productions --- now with advanced clumping action.” - Patrick
• “Squishify!” - Emily
• “Ugly your squish, please.” - Emily
• “Any who… wadah wadah…” - Molly
• “I want more quotes… Hey! That should be a quote!” - Molly
• “Hah, hah… Emily said tazer and it was funny.” - Kim
• “Don’t pay attention to what’s going on back there. Pay attention to me, because I like attention.” - Kim
• KIM: “God…” / EMILY: “Yes, we love Him, don’t we?” / KIM: “Yes, we do.”
• “This is gonna be a lecture, I can feel it.” - Emily
• “Guys should love you for something other than your tail.” - Emily
• “No Napoleon anything.” - Emily
• EMILY (to Molly): “That was beautiful.” / NATE: “Thank you.”
• “I’m not small! I’m ‘fun size.’” - Amy
• “a’s are copycats --- they’re just c’s with tails.” - Kelsea
• “Yay! I didn’t even need to order a coffin.” - Kelsea
• “Cause it’s got lots of crappy inserts and stuff.” - Emily
• “I’m afraid that you’ll fall in the pit and kill someone… or yourself.” - Emily
• “Wow, Nate was here on time twice in a row… that must be a record.”
• “Do what I mean, not what I say!” - Emily
• “Boil it, here, we are, what? - Deb
• “Guys, you need to be quiet so I can think… and it’s a rarity that I can think… so…" - Emily
• “You weren’t loud enough to kill everyone else.” - Emily to Nate
• “Nothing fell on you, right? O.K., good.” - Emily
• “You guys should be watching DEB TV.” - Emily
• EMILY: “Oh, that gives me chills.” / SOMEONE ELSE: “What! Kiss you?”
• “The more kids we have in the pit the better.” - Emily
• “I will not desert my egg, and I will not forget my lines!” - Nate
• “Tune in to EmTV” - Emily
• RACHAEL H.: “We don’t know the choreography.” / EMILY: “They don’t know it either, so it’ll look great.”
• “From this point out, no talking unless you’re singing.” - Emily
• “Your school is a cesspool of germs.” - Emily
• “Coughing on your shoulder is fine as long as you don’t get your peripheral junk on anyone.” - Emily
Wizard of Oz
• “Take your cookies and go offstage!” - Emily
• “What did you expect us to do? Wave a wand and say ‘Whoop-dee-doo!’?” - Jen Schinker
• “You got away from that wonderful woman, you horrible dog!” - Kelsey Sante
• “A clear leash would be better than a… not clear leash.” - Kelsey Sante
• “Kelsey, you’re dead.” - Emily, after Kelsey stepped onto the pit lift.
• EMILY: "Isaac?!" / ISAAC: “Me?” / EMILY: “Are you Isaac?”
• “That’s exactly what I was thinking in my brain.” - Rachael Anctil
• “Smokin’ Munchkins!” - Kelsey Sante
• “Later Nater!” - Emily
• “Good morning, Josh --- it’s rehearsal!” - Emily
• “No doosh da doosh doosh.” - Ryan Dooley
• “Get off your butt.” - Emily
• “Don’t trust what you remember --- it’s usually not right.” - Emily to Josh
• “My line comes after somebody saying something.” - Leah Powers
• “The Pit People.” - Emily
• “Wow their pants off!” - Emily
• PATRICK: “Wouldn’t it be weird if life was a musical?” / LEAH (singing): “That’d be very cooool!”
• “Sing in” - Drinnan, trying to write “sign in.”
• “The trekkie.” - Josh Kaufmann
• “Let’s give it to him… girls?” - Nate Wallace, while reading for a tree
• “Let me stop talking before we dive into Ryanville.” - Emily
• RYAN: “I have a question about my costume.” / EMILY: “Your head’s in my car.” / LATER… / EMILY: “I’m not going to send you out to my car to get your head.”
• “Find your own dog to hurt.” - Emily to Josh
• “The first ‘Did-it’ time, you do the funky finger dance.” - Emily
• “Un-ugly your lines please.” - Emily
• “It doesn’t suck at all!” - Emily to Kyle, concerning the shingling on the Dorthy House.
• “It was a good effort --- they said ‘bug.’” - Emily
• “Don’t kick the pirate.” - Emily to Ryan
• “Get this farm implement stuff off the stage.” - Emily trying to quote Uncle Henry
• PATRICK: “Was ist los?” / JOSH: “Alles was nicht fest ist!
• “Why are fire engines red? There’s six wheels and six men on a fire truck, six plus six equals twelve, there’s twelve inches in one ruler, one ruler was Queen Elizabeth I, Queen Elizabeth I ruled the seas, the seas have fishes, the fishes have fins, the Fins fought the Russians, and the Russians wore red. So that’s why fire engines are red --- because they’re always rushin’ around.”